Found: Abandoned and Abused Car
Last week, around 4 a.m., some obviosly mentally altered people drove this car into the back yard of an empty foreclosed building on my block and proceeded to set fire to it. It took the Chicago Fire Department about 30 minutes to put it out and this is what’s left. Now it’s just sitting around, licking its wounds, watching the leaves fall and generally minding it’s own business. It graciously posed for my camera phone, even though I am of the same genus and species as its abusers.
To the owner of Illinois plate R97 1695, here is your car, in Logan Square. It’s a little worse for the wear but your license plates are in good condition and maybe you want to call your people about this. Our local gang of neutered feral kitties, also known as SOFAKC (South of Fullerton Avenue Killer Cats) and that one creepy possum who rudely stares at me will be keeping an eye on it for you in the interim.