It’s the End of the World and My Carpets Aren’t Clean!
I had fully planned on posting a list of things to do before the end of the world (who knew?!) which I only found out about on Thursday. I figured I could blog and do a little spring cleaning on the traffic areas of the carpeting at the same time and set up my SpotBot for carpet ass kickin’. I pressed the set in stain button and the SpotBastard doesn’t work, all the lights light up and it beeps incessantly. Perhaps it knows it’s the end of the world and just doesn’t care any more. So instead of preparing an Apocalypse list to post, I spent all yesterday evening googling and testing, making a giant flood-mess in the bathroom, then an hour on the phone with the Bissell customer “support” zombies, then more fiddling and generally getting nowhere fast.
Now I’m facing the end of the world with dirty traffic areas, plus I didn’t get to eat a lobster with lots of butter, or party in the streets like it’s the end of the world. Well I guess there’s always the day after the end of the world, and up until the final end of the world on October 21. I’m not exactly sure, because I couldn’t be bothered to read the entire end of the world summary. I think that’s the period of time when we are supposed to sit out on lawn chairs while holding umbrellas and just watch stuff fall apart until October.
It’s not clear what time the apocalypse is scheduled for today, so far the neighborhood isn’t a flaming pile of rubble. I’ve checked out my windows, hoping to see the likes of Cheney, Bush, Newt, Rush (Limbaugh, not the band) and those two genital warts, Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin engulfed in flames, floating up to the outer atmosphere until they disappear. So far nothing, but it is a foggy day today, here in Chicago.
Well I guess there’s always the next end of the world, or the one after that. Until then I’ve prepared myself with a big beatin’ stick, a large capacity stock pot, my “Judgement Day 2011 OR 2012″ T-shirt, and pina colada fixings. I’ll be gathering apocalyptic recipes for the many things that might rain down upon us: the sky, locusts, frogs, Tea Baggers, (er, Tea Party members) even the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan.
Here’s hoping you all have a warm and festive apocalypse today and many more to follow!